Bittersweet Symphony
by BloomingMissy
Summary: She had buried her face to his chest, wanting to capture this bittersweet moment forever in her memory. -Brucas' last dance at the Leyton wedding and more...
1. Bittersweet Symphony

**Author's Note:** **This idea popped into my head while watching 6.13 a few days ago, thinking about the fact that Brucas will probably really never be again…so I kind of imagined this little thing. Here's what Brucas' last dance at Luke's and Peyton's wedding might/should be like. **

**Originally, this was supposed to be a OneShot but I'm not so sure anymore – you guys tell me: Should I write another chapter or does this suck enough? ;P**

**So, here's my second attempt on fan fiction, reviews are very much appreciated!**

**As usual: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS, etc blah blah. ;)**

**So, enjoy!**

**_Bittersweet Symphony_**

"May I have this dance?" he asked and smiled.

She raised one of her perfect eyebrows and chuckled, showing her dimples.

"Well, how could I say no to the groom?"

He laughed.

"You couldn't" he said. "Not to me."

_If you only knew how right you are._

He took hold of her hand, pulling her closer to himself. She felt her hand tremble slightly at the touch of his and the fact that she was close enough to his face to feel his breath against her hot skin made her all the more nervous.

She knew she wasn't supposed to feel this way, not after all these years and all these things that they had been through. But sometimes she just couldn't help it – she couldn't help but blush at the sight of his smile, she couldn't help but stutter something stupid when he caught her off guard, she couldn't help but feel her knees shake…

He couldn't help but notice how her red dress fit perfectly to her curvy body and how she slowly moved her hips to the rhythm of the music. She was breathtakingly beautiful – her chocolate brown hair fell down on her bare shoulders in waves and he thought to himself that she looked exactly like the day of Haley's and Nathan's reception, which had been the last time they had danced with each other. He wondered why he was thinking about that day now since he hadn't thought about it for years.

"You look very pretty" he whispered into her ear. He could almost feel her smile, despite of the fact that he couldn't really see her face, because she had buried it in his chest.

She had buried her face to his chest, wanting to capture this bittersweet moment forever in her memory. She knew it would hurt her later to think about it, recalling every second of it – but the comfort she felt at his touch was too good to not be remembered. She inhaled his familiar scent that she used to find sexier than any other scent in the entire world; the scent of sunflowers and that perfume he used ever since high school.

"Thanks, Luke" she said with her raspy voice that he used to find so irresistible – which was when she had been whispering sultry and sexy things into his ear. Which had been when they had been a couple back in high school. Which had been about five years ago. Which made it not so okay for him to think about all these things she used to tell him, considering the fact that it was the day of his wedding. To Peyton.

"You look okay, too" she said, laughing lightly and lifting her head so she could look him in the eyes.

"Oh, thank you. God, you are so nice!" he said and grinned.

"I know I am", she said. "That's why I'm so lovely."

He laughed.

"You so are", he said. Then his expression turned serious. "No really, you look amazing."

He lowered his head and whispered into her ear, leaving light goose bumps all over her soft and flawless body.

"Peyton wanted the bridesmaid to wear dark blue. I convinced her to choose red instead."

Brooke lifted her head once again to look him straight in the eyes. What was he talking about?

"Why did you do that?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because you look best in red. It's your colour."

She looked at him, a look of shock on her delicate features.

"Luke, stop it", she whispered and wished her voice wouldn't so much give away her emotional state of mind – her words came out insecure and stumbling.

He was confused now.

"Why?" he asked, lifting his shoulders as if to say 'Hey, I'm innocent and I don't know what you're talking about.'

"Because it's not my colour" she hissed. "It's ours."

She freed herself from his firm grip, turned around and headed outside, leaving a completely bewildered Lucas behind.


	2. Backwards Walk

**Author's Note:** **So, here's the second chapter which wouldn't exist if you guys wouldn't have submitted those great reviews! Maybe you won't like this chapter since nothing really happens in terms of certain action etc. - it's pretty much mostly dialogue and emotional progress. Hope you still like it. :) **

**The title of this chapter is an amazing song by Frightened Rabbit. You should really check it out, they played in on the show in 6.13, I think. **

**As usual: I don't own anything, etc. ;)**

**Enjoy!  
**

**_Backwards Walk_**

"Brooke, what is going on?" he asked, obviously extremely confused. He had watched her walk out of the hall. He had quickly checked whether Peyton or anyone else had witnessed the scene, but after seeing that everybody was somehow distracted, he had followed her out.

"Luke, please" she started. "Just leave me alone. There's a party and a happy bride waiting for you."

She swallowed hard and stared out onto the street. She cursed herself for walking out into the dark and chilly September night, but she had thought that the fresh air might cleanse her utterly tangled mass of emotions and thoughts.

He sighed and took a few steps into her direction. Seeing her shiver in the cold of the night, he took the jacket of his suit off and carefully draped it over her elegant shoulders. She didn't object but he could feel her flinch over the touch of his hand.

"I'm not going to get back in there until you tell me what's wrong" he said and gently turned her around.

They stood face to face now. He noticed that this was probably the first time in five years that he studied her face. He also noticed – and couldn't help but feel an ache in his heart – that her formerly joyful features now had a hint of pain in them. She looked like she had been hurt very much in the past.

"Well, then you'll have to stay here with me until forever" she said and laughed at the irony of this; five years ago – and probably a few years after that, too – she had wanted nothing but for him to stay with her until forever. Now, all she wanted was for him to leave. It was too late to stay with her. He had left her many years ago. And he never truly came back. Not the way she had wished he would.

"Brooke, would you please tell me what I said or did that made you angry? What do you mean with the whole red thing?" he pleaded. He didn't want her to feel bad tonight. This night way supposed to be a night of happiness and joy and laughter. But right now, he felt far from being happy.

Now she was the one to sigh heavily.

"Lucas, this is neither the time nor the place for this talk" she said. "I mean, God! This is your wedding!"

He held his hands up as if to show that he wasn't armed.

"Come on" he said. "I can't make things right if you won't explain this to me." He took hold of her hand. "Please."

She let out a high sound that almost sounded like a laugh. Almost. She shoved his hand away.

"Well, I basically said it." She looked at him, a look of desperation on her face. "I don't get why you think that red is _my_ colour!"

He wrinkled his forehead – he didn't understand anything!

"But it is…" he murmured. "I mean, you're the girl behind the red door, remember?"

She looked at him for a second before shaking her head.

"Yes, I _was_. I'm not that girl anymore. And you know why, Luke?" she asked. "Because _you_ made me this girl. You are a part of the whole red myth as I am a part of it."

He slowly shook his head. He was still not sure whether he understood her correctly; she looked so hurt that he simply wanted to lock her in an embrace and comfort her. But he knew that somehow he was the cause of this pain.

She closed her eyes and tried to breathe steadily. She could feel the tears in her eyes and it took her an amazing amount of energy to hold them back. She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to cry in front of him. _Because_ of him. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked straight at him.

"And we're not together anymore…and that means that I'm not the girl behind the red door anymore. And red was never just my colour. It was _our _colour." She gestured towards the space between the two of them. "Since there's no us anymore, there is also no red as the colour of any of us anymore" she concluded, suddenly sounding very tired.

He furrowed his brows. He felt too confused to answer immediately – why were they talking about their relationship? Now, after all this time? And why the hell did it hurt so much to think about the moments they spend together, the moments in which 'the girl behind the red door' was created?

"Brooke, I really didn't mean anything by it…I just thought that you look so nice in red!" he said and sounded like a little child who's desperately trying to explain something obviously simple to an adult who wouldn't understand.

She rubbed her eyes. She felt so tired…all she wanted was for this day to be over. God, why did she agree to dance with him?!

"See, that's the problem!" she suddenly yelled and was just as shocked as he was about her emotional outburst. She hadn't intended to yell at him, but the fact that he didn't understand a single word she had just said made her furious.

He swallowed and looked at her. He hadn't heard her yell at anyone for years now – her yelling days as the old bitchy cheerleading Brooke were over. At least he thought they were.

Once again she shook her head. It seemed like tonight everything she did was shaking her head and explaining.

"Luke, you can't just do that to me" she said, sounding calm again.

"Do what? Do what, Brooke?"

He was practically begging her for answers now.

"This!" she said, a bit louder than intended and gestured wildly in the air. "All this about me looking pretty, and about me being the girl behind the red door and that stuff about talking Peyton out of blue dresses so I would wear red instead! Luke, you have no right to talk to me like that. I know, we're friends now, but not long ago there was a time when we were more than that. Much more than that."

She stopped and tried to compose herself.

_I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. Not in front of HIM._

Slowly, he understood what she meant…but was it possible? That she was still hurting, even after all these years and after all that has happened in the past…?

"Brooke…" he said, but stopped. He really didn't know what to tell her.

**Author's Note: So, did you like it? I really have no idea which direction this story will take or how long it will be. Very much depends on your reviews - shall I make this more the type of bittersweet goodbye-story or shall it be more into the direction of a Brucas-reunion? You guys tell me!! :)  
**


	3. Reverse Of Shade

**Author's Note:** **SORRY, SORRY, SORRY that it took me forever to update but I was so upset with the course of the show that I wasn't able to write anything. But now, here it is, the third chapter. Not much happens again, because I want it to develop slowly (and nope, I still don't know if this'll lead to a Brucas reunion, we'll all have to wait and see!). So this chapter is more about how Brooke feels and a bit about how the last years have been for her.**

**I really hope you still like it, though. If you have any ideas etc. on how this should go, tell me. ;) And as usual, I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING, etc. etc.**

**Oh and the title of this chapter is a song by The Windupdeads, you should check it out! Anyways, enjoy and comments would be lovely. :)**

**_Reverse Of Shade_**

She shook her head. „No Lucas, just stop it" she said. "Get inside that room and enjoy your wedding party. We've been out here for way too long now. Peyton's surely waiting for you."

She took the jacket of his suit off of her shoulders and handed it to him.

"Thanks" she said. She smiled weakly and turned around so he couldn't see her face anymore.

Lucas sighed quietly and felt like there was nothing he could do, so he went inside where he was immediately greeted by a widely grinning Peyton whose cheeks were red from excitement and dancing.

"Luke, where have you been?" she asked and looked at him carefully. "Are you okay?" she asked suspiciously.

Lucas quickly nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed some fresh air" he said and smiled a perfect – fake – smile.

He didn't feel like telling Peyton about the whole thing with Brooke; he was not able to make out what it meant himself so why should he bother her with it? It was after all their wedding day and she ought to be happy and carefree.

Peyton smiled. "Alright, I believe you…" she said and wrapped her arms around his neck. "…husband." She laughed and placed a light kiss on his lips.

Lucas smiled back and drew her skinny body closer to his own.

"That's good…wifey" he said and kissed her back.

_I can't leave now…if I leave now, Peyton will get suspicious…and I'm not strong enough to lie to her, not today, not after what just happened…_

Brooke sighed heavily and just stood there, her thoughts spinning around in her confused mind. After some time she shook her head, straightened her hair and dress and tried to smile a perfect – fake – smile. She had gotten so used to smiling when she saw Peyton and Lucas together that she had brought it to perfection.

Nobody had ever asked her how she felt about them being together again, about them getting engaged and also, nobody had asked her how she felt about them marrying. It was only natural to all her friends that she had gotten over Lucas a long time ago. Brooke guessed that they just didn't want to think the contrary. It would be too complicated, too difficult, too much to handle. Sometimes, Brooke was relieved about that; it made things easier. She didn't have to have a breakdown and cry for hours – because that's what she believed would happen if anyone ever asked her if she still had feelings for Lucas. But sometimes, she felt like screaming and kicking and telling someone about it. She had been very close to telling it Nathan a few times; but then again, she thought about the consequences of Nathan knowing. So she never did it. And she would probably never do it anyways.

So she turned around and went back inside only to see a blonde boy and a blonde girl happily embracing and kissing each other. She immediately felt the well-known lump in her throat and the heavy feeling in her stomach. Brooke felt like throwing up when she saw Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Scott together…_Mrs. Lucas Scott. Peyton Scott._ It sounded so wrong to her. Brooke couldn't help but think that Brooke Scott sounded so much better. It just sounded _right._

"Brooke, where have you been?!"

Peyton came running to her and hugged Brooke stormily.

"Hey!" Brooke said and smiled, knowing that her smile wouldn't reach her eyes. "I just needed some fresh air" she said.

From the corner of her eye she saw Lucas standing in the middle of the dance floor, helplessly staring into some point on the floor.

Peyton laughed. "Funny! Did you bump into Lucas? He said he needed some fresh air, too."

Brooke's eyes widened and she shook her head. "Erm, nope. No, I didn't see him."

Peyton laughed again and lightly patted her best friends shoulder.

"Gee, Brooke, are you alright? You seem kinda absent. Did something happen…?"

Brooke quickly shook her head. "Yeah, I'm okay. I guess I just had one wine too many" she said and managed to bring out a hollow laugh.

Peyton nodded and seemed satisfied with this explanation.

"You know, it's okay if you wanna go home. I don't want you to wake up with a huge hangover tomorrow" she said and laughed.

Brooke smiled. This time, it was a real smile: She hadn't ever seen her blonde best friend laugh and smile so much. Despite all that had happened, she loved Peyton like a sister and seeing her so happy made Brooke happy, too. She broke up with Lucas to make room for Peyton; her plan had worked out just perfect. Still, she wasn't happy. She had sacrificed herself for Peyton and sometimes she felt like Peyton didn't really understand that…

"P. Sawyer, don't be silly! This is your wedding day. I'll be the last one to leave" she said and smiled.

Peyton grinned happily. "That's good to hear, B. Davis! God, I am so happy!" Her eyes gleamed.

"Totally understandable. But hey, when are you and Broody leaving for your honeymoon anyways?" Brooke asked.

"Actually in about half an hour" Peyton answered apologetically.

_Thank God!_, Brooke thought. She felt like she couldn't bare another second seeing her best friend and the love of her life happily making out with each other.

"Okay" she said and nodded. "You need anything? I mean, I don't know…condoms maybe?" she said and laughed. After all she didn't want to be too reluctant when it came to helping Peyton.

Peyton sheepishly bit her bottom lip. "I don't think we'll need more…I already bought like a thousand!"

They both broke out into laughter. It felt good to just laugh with Peyton – it made Brooke forget why she was hurting.

**----------------------------------------------**

Two hours later Brooke was sitting on her couch with a huge bowl of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice-cream, watching 'Cruel Intentions' on DVD. She had really been the last one to leave the party after watching Peyton and Lucas get inside her comet and drive off to the airport. Brooke had no idea where they were spending their honeymoon as Lucas had wanted it to be a surprise for Peyton. They had looked so happy together…the way he had said goodbye to her was so sad: He had embraced her shyly and had whispered into her ear: "I'm sorry."

Now she felt like the loneliest person on the planet. She ought to be at some bar, drinking and flirting with hot guys. Instead, she was wearing her Paul Frank-pajamas, shoveling tons of ice-cream into her mouth and watching one of the saddest and most romantic movies ever.

_How did that happen? Oh right: I fell in love and the jerk broke my heart – twice. And he is now married to my best friend. And I will never ever get over him._

Suddenly her cell phone vibrated violently in her purse.

**1 Voice Mail from Broody**

Brooke looked at her cell phone, confused: Lucas had called her? When? And more importantly why? She hesitated for a moment. Did she really want to know what he had to say? She sighed and decided that after this night it couldn't really get any worse.

"_Brooke, it's me…erm look, I think we really need to talk about what happened tonight. I'll call you when I get back." _She heard him sigh heavily and could imagine how he was sitting on a bench at the airport, closing his eyes for a second. _"I'm sorry for…I guess somehow everything. Take care, Cheery."_

Brooke swallowed. It felt good to hear his voice. She pressed the repeat button and listened to his words again and again.

"_Brooke, it's me…"_


	4. No Way To Reach Me

**Author's Note:** **I should be studying for graduation...instead, I'm writing a new chapter, haha! Bad for me, good for you guys. ;) It's rather short and some of you might be disappointed 'cause you may think I'm not getting anywhere, but I want this to be as realistic as possible, and I really don't believe that Brooke would already break down and tell Lucas everything she's been holding back for years now - she's brought it to perfection to hide her feelings, so she'll let Lucas in slowly. Plus, I think it fits that she's still hoping for Luke to understand it himself, without her explaining it all. At least that's the way I see the character of Brooke. :) But I promise, there'll be some kind of a breakdown and tears and drama and everything we've been denied on the show! So please be patient until then.**

**And I wanted to THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR AMAZING AND ENCOURAGING REVIEWS!! Seriously, you guys are the reason I'm updating at all, 'cause I tend to be rather lazy when it comes to that stuff. **

**I DO NOW OWN ANYTHING; enjoy & review please! :) Oh, title is from the lyrics of 'Vienna', a beautiful song by The Fray, check it out!  
**

**_No Way To Reach Me_**

"You've been avoiding me."

It was a statement. He was standing in her doorframe, looking irresistible, wearing a simple white shirt and washed out blue jeans. His hair was a little shorter than it had been the day of his wedding. She liked his hair this way, dark blonde and short. Suddenly she remembered how she used to find comfort in the fact that Peyton was dating Lucas at the time when he was looking his worst: With his blonde highlights and the way too long hair and the weird cowboy boots he was wearing back then. At least Brooke got to date the hot version of Lucas Scott. Though all these things didn't really take away the pain she felt when seeing Peyton and Lucas together…

"You cut your hair." She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but all the thoughts of him and his hair had let it slip out of her mouth. She was relieved when he laughed.

"Yeah, I did" he said and smiled. "I thought it was getting too long, I started looking like a girl."

Brooke laughed. She wasn't wearing any make-up, yet she looked more beautiful than most women with make-up. Almost a month had gone by since his return and he hadn't been able to talk to Brooke for more than two seconds: Either she made sure they weren't alone or she left the second Peyton and he stepped into the same place as her. She wouldn't answer any of his e-mails. She wouldn't pick up her phone. She wouldn't answer his text messages or voice mails. It was clear she didn't want to talk to him but he _had_ to talk to her, no matter what. He just wanted to know what was wrong. Was that too much to ask for?

"Don't you think we should talk?" he suddenly asked after a long pause in which he had let his mind wander while watching her closely.

Brooke sighed. "No, Luke. There's nothing we need to talk about. So if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

She was about to close the door when he leaned his hand against it.

"Brooke, you've been avoiding me" he repeated.

"Yeah, I already got that the first time you said it" she murmured.

She let go of the door and went into her kitchen. She knew she couldn't run away from him forever. He was, after all, her best friend's husband now and they were almost like family. But she had naively believed that maybe he would drop the subject, only if she ran away from him for long enough. Eventually, he would stop calling, texting or e-mailing her. But he didn't. He was stubborn and persistent in a way Brooke didn't know he could be. She caught herself thinking that this stubbornness and persistence came a little too late; would he have been like this back in high school…She shook her head and refused to think about _that_ again.

Lucas stepped into Brooke's house and closed the door to go into the kitchen. The whole house smelled like Brooke – this indescribable scent that didn't come from a perfume bottle but seemed to cling to her skin. The smell was sweet and fresh and it always reminded Lucas of the first days of spring – the sweet lightness that lay in the air…that was the way he saw Brooke.

"Why don't you want to talk to me?"

Brooke swallowed and didn't turn around. She was afraid she might start crying as soon as she saw him standing there at the counter of her kitchen. It had always been strange with him: Every time she saw him, she couldn't help but NOT look him in the eyes. It was like there was some invisible force that made her look into these deep and brooding oceans... So she completely avoided looking at him or into his direction.

Lucas took a few steps into her direction and lightly put his hand on her shoulder. Instantly, he could feel her shiver under his touch. She even flinched for a tiny second. It confused him to see her like this; although he did think of Brooke as a rather vulnerable person he also saw the strong and independent woman she had become in the past five years. When she finally turned around, she had tears in her eyes. They looked like a million little diamonds to him.

"Brooke-"

She interrupted him by shaking her head. She was looking past him.

"Lucas, please. I can't talk to you, okay?" Her voice came out insecure and shakily, barely above a whisper. "Can't you respect the fact that I simply do not want to talk to you? I wasn't answering any of your calls or your e-mails because I don't want to."

Lucas shook his head. "Brooke, no, I can't accept that as your answer, you gotta tell me what's wrong. I obviously hurt and upset you…I never wanted that."

"Lucas, stop it!" she said, an angry tone in her voice. "You drive me crazy with all your e-mails, and your calls, and your messages! And then suddenly, you show up here and demand answers and explanations from me. Well, you're too late!"

She was almost screaming now – as much as she was trying to stay cool, she just couldn't. It was infuriating that he started to care about her now, after all this time and after all that has happened in the past.

"What do you mean, too late?"

There was a tension in the air that one could almost grasp. He was sweating. Her heart was beating wildly. They were both breathing heavily, waiting for whatever would happen or be said now.

When Brooke smiled weakly, Lucas was irritated. She went past him to the door, opened it and expectantly looked at him. Of course he understood, and from the tired look on her face he knew that he should do what she wanted. So he went outside. They looked at each other for a moment or two.

"Brooke, what do you mean?" He pleaded now.

A painful expression crossed Brooke's gorgeous face.

"You're so smart, Luke. Why couldn't you ever figure that out? It's not that complicated" she said, very quietly and very sadly.

He saw a painfully beautiful single tear drawing a delicate line on her porcelain skin before she closed the door.


	5. Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight

**Author's Note:** **Well, this is the longest chapter so far... I'm incredibly sad about the events on the show, which makes me want to write on this fic even more, which is good for you, I suppose. ;) **

**Hm, what's there to say? Oh, yeah, flashbacks are in italics, the title of this chapter is a beautiful song by Amos Lee, and if you want to see the picture that's mentioned in this chapter, go to **. . **I uploaded it there, but watch it after reading the chapter, okay? :)**

**As usual, I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING expect the fiction part and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I love you guys. Plus, if you have any suggestions or wishes on what should happen (except for the reunion, I still don't know about that) then mention it in your review. Maybe I can include some of the ideas and wishes.**

**Anyway, enjoy and remember: Reviews are very much appreciated and wanted!  
**

**_Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight_**

Lucas left the house and walked over the street where Brooke's shop was. Thoughts of the time when Karen's Café had still been there crossed his mind and he had to smile: He had spent so many precious hours in that café, talking to Haley about pretty much everything, visiting his mom together with Keith, sharing a hot chocolate with a broadly smiling Brooke…a Brooke who was suddenly standing right in front of him, not smiling at all.

"Brooke, hi!" he said, genuinely surprised. He hadn't seen her since she had practically kicked him out of her house about two weeks ago.

"Hey" she said.

She was wearing tiny denim shorts, strappy sandals and a grey hoodie that was way too big for her tiny figure – a hoodie with the logo 'Keith SCOTT BODY SHOP' on its back…

"_And you're wearing it again!" He laughs and pulls her closer to him._

_She smiles. "It's just so cuddly and…" She hesitates._

"_And what?" he asks._

"_It's got your scent. And I love that."_

_He grins. "And I love __**you**__" he quietly says, stroking her silky hair and giving her a soft and very gentle kiss. When they part after what seems to be a little eternity, they both smile widely._

"_I love you, too" she says._

_He bites his bottom lip and looks at her._

"_What?" she asks with a suspicious look on her face. "Do I have something between my teeth?"_

"_No" he responds, laughing and shaking his head. "I was just wondering…how about I give you my sweater? I mean you're always wearing it after we..." He stops and blushes a little._

_She giggles. "After we had sex? Yeah, you're right" she mumbles quietly and runs her hand through his short dark blonde hair._

„_Alright. So, what do you think?"_

_She sighs. "That'd be great" she says and rests her head on his shoulder. „This way, I'll always have your scent with me." _

Lucas shook his head. Why was he thinking about that now? He didn't even know such a memory still existed in his mind…but it obviously did. And there were more images of his time with Brooke rushing through his head, too many to count.

"How are you?" he asked.

She chuckles. "I'm okay, I guess" she said and smiled weakly. She hated how good he looked – she always loved it when he wore only a sweatshirt and some sweat pants. He looked so cute in those clothes.

"Look, I'm glad I ran into you now" he said. "I was gonna come by anyway, because…I wanted to apologize for being so annoying and demanding." He shook his head. "I don't know what came over me, I was such an idiot!"

Brooke smiled. "It's okay, really. I get that you wanted to know what was wrong with me."

He ran his hand through his hair and looked her in the eyes. "I still want to know…but I get that you need your time. I respect that, Brooke, I do. I just hope that you will tell me, you know, someday. Until then, I'll be waiting." He smiled shyly.

"Thanks, Luke. I appreciate it."

And she really did; he telling her that he would wait for her to be ready was all she had ever wanted from him. Now that she got that, she wasn't sure how to handle it correctly, because she had no idea whether she would ever be able to really tell him what had led to her outburst at the wedding. How could she tell him why she was acting so emotional when it came to him? It would be embarrassing, humiliating, unbearable pain…

"Okay well, I gotta go" he said apologetically and gestured to the other side of the street. "Peyton's in the mood for ice cream and I have to satisfy her needs". He laughed but looked uncomfortable.

Brooke just nodded. "Yeah, sure. Tell her I said hi."

"Actually she's been wondering where you've been, 'cause you haven't really returned any of _her_ calls, either."

Brooke hesitated for a moment. "Oh, I know and I'm really sorry about that, it's just that I've…I've been so busy lately, with, uh…the line and everything. Just tell her I'll call her."

He nodded. "Okay. So, I hope I'll be seeing you then." He turned around and left.

Brooke sighed heavily and shook her head. This had been so awkward…he had apologized, true, but still, it was so weird being around him now, weirder than it had been before the wedding and everything. Now he actually knew that there was something wrong and that he was probably the cause of it, which made Brooke nervous. Her façade was crumbling slowly…

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"I thought you'd never call!"

Brooke laughed. "I'm sorry, I had so much to do I had barely time to sit down for a few minutes."

"Yeah, Lucas told me. How are you?" Peyton asked.

Brooke sighed quietly. It had taken her another three days after seeing Lucas to call Peyton. She was happy she did it, because when she heard her best friend answer the telephone she realized that she had missed Peyton's voice and talking to her.

"I'm okay, you know, just very busy with the line and everything."

"Alright…look, I just wanna be straightforward about this" Peyton suddenly said. Brooke's heart skipped a beat – was Peyton going to ask her something about Lucas? If her weird behavior had anything to do with him?

"Did something happen? Even when you were busy handling the whole Angie and Bitchtoria stuff you never forgot to call me, but now you're all hard to catch and all work no fun." Peyton sighed. "Is it because of Julian?"

Brooke was so relieved she laughed. "Oh my God, no! No, Peyton, I'm okay, really and me not calling you has absolutely nothing to do with Julian. It's over, he's in L.A., and I'm fine. So don't worry, I'm alright. Really totally alright."

"Well then" Peyton said. "I would like you to come over for dinner tonight."

"What?"

The shock in Brooke's voice was evident; she knew Peyton would notice it.

But luckily, Peyton didn't say anything about it. She urged Brooke to come, stating that she hadn't ever really cooked for Brooke and that she wanted to see her. Brooke didn't know what else to say, so she agreed to be there at eight.

She had ringed the bell some time ago and nobody was answering it yet, so she stood at the porch for a few seconds, looking at the door she had gone through so many times in her life…

"_So what are you gonna miss most about me?"_

_He looks at her. "I can only choose one thing?"_

"_Yes, and it has to be something good. Not how much you'll miss hanging out with me or how hot I am." _

"_Neither one of those, huh?" he says mockingly._

_She smiles. "No."_

_He snaps his fingers. "Damn it!" Then he looks at her for a moment and says: "I'd miss the girl behind the red door."_

_He points at his door and she looks at it in confusion._

"_Come on" he says and opens the door._

_She takes a look around the room, turns to every side and is completely amazed and confused._

"_This is all my stuff. I don't understand."_

"_I had my mom talk to your parents and they said you could stay here till the summer."_

_She just looks at him with her mouth wide open in disbelief._

"_They didn't want to, Brooke, but my mom can be really convincing."_

"_You did this for me?"_

_Suddenly he sounds more serious than before._

"_I wasn't ready to lose you yet."_

"Brooke, hey!"

Brooke was startled and looked up into those piercing blue eyes that made her heart flutter.

"Hey Lucas."

He shyly smiled and gave her a cautious hug. She inhaled his familiar scent and felt his white cotton shirt on her fingertips and imagined what his skin under the thin fabric used to feel like…

He immediately noticed how gorgeous she looked and he knew that she wasn't dressed up at all; she was wearing simple dark blue jeans with a satin purple top and black high heels. Still, she looked absolutely amazing. Her beautiful dark hair was shimmering in the moonlight.

"Brooke, you cut your hair!" he suddenly exclaimed.

She laughed. "Yes, you are not the only one who pays a visit to the hairdresser every once in a while."

He furrowed his brows and looked at her for a few moments too long; she felt herself blushing and insecurely straightened her hair that ended a bit above her shoulders.

Lucas had gotten used to her rather short hair; he had seen her wear it like that back in New York at his book party when he had kissed her…

_Stop it, don't think about that again. Hell, what's wrong with me?_

He managed to shake the thought of her hot and soft lips on his away. He thought Brooke was beautiful no matter what she did with her hair, but he liked it long and straight like back in high school: It just looked best on her and underlined her pretty face.

"Uh, so you're gonna invite me in or what?" he suddenly heard her say.

He laughed. "Oh, yeah, of course" he said and smiled vaguely. He took a step back and gestured inside his room.

"Come on in."

She smiled and stepped inside. She hadn't been in his house since the wedding, so she didn't know what it looked like with Peyton's things in it. When she took a quick look around his bedroom she immediately noticed little things that had changed: One or two picture frames more than before, a new lamp or something trivial like Peyton's hairbrush on one of the nightstands.

"Brooke, hey!"

She heard Peyton scream and give her a tight hug that she replied.

"P. Sawyer, oh, how I've missed you!"

Peyton and Brooke smiled at each other blissfully and Lucas had to laugh.

"Gee, you guys are acting as though you haven't seen each other in years" he said.

Peyton lightly kicked him.

"Well, I don't expect you to know anything about women's friendship" she said and both Brooke and she broke out into laughter.

Lucas shook his head. "Whatever, I'll go check on dinner." He laughed and left the room.

"Brooke, you look so good!" Peyton said and smiled again.

"Thanks. You look better, though!" Brooke said and laughed.

"Marriage has been good to me." She gestured around the room. "So, what do you think?"

"It looks good. Very Lucas-like still, but with a huge touch of Peyton" Brooke replied and grinned. "It looks perfect."

When she looked at his dresser she noticed a frame with a picture she knew too well. Apparently, Peyton noticed where she was looking at, because she took the picture and handed it to Brooke.

"I was looking everywhere for a photo of us three together, you know, without anybody else" she said. "This was the only one I could find."

Brooke didn't look up to meet Peyton's gaze. She just stared at the picture for a few moments; there they were, young and innocent, sweet sixteen. They were leaning against Peyton's comet, his hand around her waist, her hand entwined with his, her other arm linked with Peyton's. All three of them were smiling; Brooke's smile was the widest and happiest.

She felt her eyes filling with tears, but she managed to hold them back. She had to survive this dinner, but seeing a picture of herself and Lucas while they were dating wasn't really making it any easier. So she put the picture back on the dresser and followed Peyton into the kitchen where the dinner table was set.

During dinner, Brooke and Peyton did most of the talking; Lucas just sat there quietly, saying a sentence or two from time to time.

Brooke was happy about that, because she was not in the mood to act all normal while talking to Lucas; it was always hard not showing her feelings in front of Peyton or Lucas, but somehow it had gotten even more difficult since the wedding. Brooke had become almost perfect at locking away her real emotions – she was able to make herself appear normal and calm when inside, she was burning. She was sure that nobody knew how she was still hurting over Lucas. But somehow, the wedding had changed something in her; she noticed that it became more and more of a challenge to spend time with him and Peyton.

After dinner Brooke wanted to get away as fast as possible and when Peyton yawned, she took her chance.

"I think I should better get going" she said and stood up. "It's pretty late; I got a lot to do tomorrow and you two need your sleep, too."

Peyton made a face, but didn't object – probably because she knew that Brooke really wanted to leave, Brooke thought. What she didn't know was whether Peyton understood that she couldn't spend any more time with them or if she just believed Brooke.

Lucas and Peyton got up and went to the door with Brooke. When Brooke hugged them both goodbye and went out, Peyton suddenly asked "Brooke, did you come here by foot?", looking at her best friend in disbelief.

"Yeah, the weather was so nice I thought I'd go for a walk."

Lucas shook his head.

"Well, it's not that nice anymore; actually, it's pretty cold" he said and Peyton nodded.

Brooke shook her head. "No, I'm okay."

Lucas laughed. "Forget it, Brooke, I'm taking you home."

Before she could object, Peyton gave Lucas her keys for the comet, gave Brooke a last hug and smiled as Lucas lightly put his hand on Brooke's shoulder and maneuvered her to the car. When Brooke turned around Peyton had already closed the door.

"Luke, you really don't need to do this" Brooke said, trying to steady her slightly shaking voice.

She was more aware of the touch of his hand on her back than she had been aware of anything else for a very long time.

Lucas just laughed. "But I _want _to do it, okay?"

They got in the car; Lucas started the engine and drove to Brooke's place.

"Dinner was weird, wasn't it?"

Brooke turned her head and looked at Lucas, completely astonished.

He turned his head to look at her, too.

"Brooke, it was" he said. "You can't deny that."

"What do you mean?" she said slowly.

He shrugged. "I'm just saying; Peyton and you were talking the whole time, you were barely looking at me. There was this…" He seemed to be looking for the right words. "This very strange tension in the air."

Brooke laughed nervously. "Luke, we just had some catching up to do, there was no strange tension in the air."

Lucas turned into Brooke's driveway and turned off the engine. Then he got out of the car, came to Brooke's side and opened the door for her. Brooke stepped out.

"Thanks for the ride" she said.

"You're welcome, Brooke."

Again, he put his hand on her back and she immediately felt goose bumps on her entire body.

They walked to her door and he finally let go of her back. It had felt so good to him, being so close to her again. Lucas knew that since the wedding with Peyton, they had grown very much apart from each other and it scared him. He didn't want to lose Brooke.

She opened her door and smiled.

"Well, good night, Lucas" she said and was about to close the door when he pushed it open.

He leaned slightly forward, looking straight into her eyes and she swallowed under his piercing stare.

"I'm gonna wait, Brooke" he whispered. "I'm gonna wait until you tell me what's wrong."

He let go of her door, smiled weakly and turned around.

Brooke closed the door and leaned against it from inside. She stared at the ground for a few seconds before finally letting go of herself, releasing the tears she had been holding back the entire night.

She cried and cried and cried for hours.


	6. So You Want Me To Bleed

**Author's Note:**** Okay, it has been ages since I last updated and I'm really sorry about that! I had a lot to do with graduation, work and everything. I actually totally forgot about this story for some time but I can promise now that I'm back with a bag full of new ideas and inspirations from which you guys will hopefully benefit. :) So I hope you can forgive me for making you wait for so long! BIG SORRY AGAIN! Anyway, this is chapter six. I hope you like it and understand the time jumps. As you will see, I picked up a storyline from the show's actual course - but it will be treated differently in this story. ;) There's some drama going on here and it will be more drama in the next chapters, I promise! Text messages and flashbacks are in _italics_, as usual I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING except for the fiction part.**

**Please review and tell me what you think. I'm a little insecure about this chapter, so some reviews would really help. :) Thanks in advance for reading (and hopefully reviewing afterwards) and enjoy! **

**Title is a song by a band called Billie the Vision & The Dancers (check them out, please!).**

**_So You Want Me To Bleed_**

„You didn't even have the guts to tell me yourself" she said and shook her head in anger.

She was angry and she was upset, but most of all she was just very disappointed. She had expected more from him; after all, they had seen each other just a few hours after he had come from the doctor – he could have told her then. Instead, he chose not to do so.

Lucas opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think otherwise; he closed his mouth and kept looking at the ground. He knew perfectly what Brooke was talking about.

"The thing is I just expected you to tell me. You keep talking about how much our friendship means to you but when it comes to act up to that, you're just too much of a coward! I'm sick of this, Lucas. I am absolutely sick of it! I've had enough."

Suddenly he looked up.

"What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously.

"I mean what I said. This is just wrong! Whatever it is that we have, this twisted sick relation between us is just not healthy!"

Brooke swallowed hard. She didn't know why she felt like this, but suddenly she had the urge to tell him – to tell him about every single thing that she had been holding back for so many years.

Every single tear she had shed over him. Every single thought that had kept her from getting sleep at nights. Every single time she had cried herself to sleep. Every single smile she had been forced to fake in his presence. Every single time he had broken her heart by just looking at her in his typical brooding way, with this one special smile on his lips.

Every single day she lived without him.

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_**FIVE DAYS EARLIER**_

"Lucas, I have to tell you something."

He furrowed his brows.

"What is it?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

"_I need to talk to you."_

"_Okay."_

"_I spend the entire night trying to avoid this or ignore it but I can't, so I've just gotta say it."_

"_Brooke, what's up?"_

"_I think I'm pregnant."_

"You're pregnant?"

She nodded.

"Well, I made a test and it was positive. I guess we should see a doctor to, you know, be sure."

He smiled. He couldn't believe it – he was going to be a father!

"Peyton, that is just…wow, it's amazing!" he said and kissed her fiercely. "We should go to the doctor right away, come on!"

He was practically pulling her out the door when she started laughing.

"Wow, you can't wait to be a daddy now, can you?"

_When her bedroom door opens, she looks up and sees him coming in. She gets up._

"_What part of stay away from me do you not understand?"_

"_Just give me 60 seconds, okay?"_

_She rolls her eyes._

"_I'm sorry, but argument cutoff was nine o'clock."_

"_Oh, I don't want to argue" he says quietly. "You don't even have to say anything, just…listen."_

_She sighs as he sits next to her on the bed._

"_My dad didn't want me, okay? Not just that he didn't want to claim me; he didn't want me to be born. Now I always thought that when I'd started a family I'd be older, and settled and I'd be-"_

"_In love?"_

"_Yeah."_

_She nods._

"_Lucas-"_

"_No, look. This whole thing scares the hell outta me, okay? But whatever you decide to do, I'll be there. And if you're not ready then you're not ready, but if you wanna have this baby, then so do I. And whatever it takes for me to be a good father, I'll be there. Always. I promise you. I won't let you down."_

Lucas was sitting in the waiting room of Peyton's gynecologist, staring at the ceiling and thinking about a conversation from about 8 years ago, when he thought he would be a father for the first time. He had been scared to death when Brooke had told him she thought she was pregnant. But then he found himself actually looking forward to being a father to a baby like Dan had never been for him. He still hadn't told Brooke that when he sat on her bed this one night, telling her he would be there for her, he was actually anxiously expecting to be a daddy in less than a year.

He didn't understand why he was thinking about the baby he thought he would have with Brooke almost a decade ago when his wife was the one who was now going to carry his child.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Hey Brooke, it's me. Julian. I'm just calling to ask how you've been, 'cause I haven't heard of you since I…left. Look, I'm just gonna say it now. Brooke, I really miss you. Call me when you get this, I really need to talk to you. I need to hear your voice. Well, okay. That's it. Bye."_

Brooke listened to Julian's message once and knew that he meant what he said: His voice sounded strangely sad and out of place. She hadn't been able to call him, not immediately. She needed to think about a few things: What did he want from her? Did he just want to know how she was or did he really have a reason to call her? She was lost in her thoughts, which is why she didn't see him coming at her on the street.

"Brooke!"

Brooke looked up, puzzled.

"Oh hi Lucas" she said and smiled, but the instant she saw his expression, her smile faded.

Lucas looked like he hadn't slept in ages; his eyes were wandering around in search for a checkpoint to stop at. Someone who didn't know him as well as Brooke, he probably seemed normal. Brooke knew better: Something had happened or something was bothering him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

His eyes widened in mild shock.

"Yeah, sure" he said and smiled a fake smile that Brooke could see right through.

"Lucas, what is wrong?" she tried again.

He laughed. "Brooke, I'm okay. Well, I gotta go now, you know, run some errands and stuff. I'll be seeing you, alright?" he said.

She looked up at him and sighed.

"Okay" she said.

He gave her a light kiss on her forehead.

"Take care" he said and left.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, what do you think? Isn't it great?" Haley asked in excitement.

"What do you mean?"

Haley laughed.

"Come on, you know what I mean. It's no real surprise, given that they've been married for a few months now…" Her voice trailed off and she smiled widely. "I'm going to be an aunt!"

Brooke creased her forehead where Lucas' lips had lingered a little longer than usual when he had kissed her there three days ago.

"Haley, I have no idea what you're talking about, so please explain it to me!" she said with clear impatience in her voice.

Now it was Haley's forehead that creased.

"Peyton hasn't told you yet?"

Brooke shook her head and the second that Haley started talking Brooke knew what she was going to say.

"Peyton is pregnant, Brooke. Lucas and she are having a baby."

_She looks away from him, her face full of pain, tears in her eyes._

"_Hey" he says, rubbing her thigh soothingly._

"_I lied" she whispers._

_He looks at her in disbelief._

"_What?"_

_She shakes her head and says "I'm not pregnant."_

"_B-But I saw the test…"_

"_I know, but then when the doctor called he said that I wasn't pregnant, he said that can happen."_

_He looks completely shocked and stands up._

"_Okay, no, no, no, no, no, I-I was standing right there when he called…"_

"_And you had just called me a slut!"_

"_So you lied to me to punish me?!" he yells. "How could you do that?"_

"_How could you cheat on me with my best friend?"_

_His expression softens._

"_Brooke…I never meant to hurt you."_

"_That doesn't really matter, Lucas, 'cause in the end it all hurts just the same."_

Images and memories from that night almost 8 years ago came into her mind. She at once felt all the pain and the heartache she had felt back then again. Everything that happened after she ran out of Haley's class room - muttering something about a business meeting - was a blur to Brooke. She barely remembered getting into her car, driving up to his house and hammering at the door until he opened with a stunned expression on his face.

"Brooke, what are you do-"

"You didn't even have the guts to tell me yourself!" she said and shook her head in anger.


	7. Breathe Me

**Author's Note:**** At first I wanted to wait at least 24h to update but I just couldn't wait, so here it is: Chapter 7! And finally, yes, some real drama and action. ;) I hope you'll like it and don't think it's too soon (but I promise, there are problems ahead and drama and everything!) for whatever's happening in this chapter.**

**THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS; KEEP THEM COMING, THEY'RE THE REASON I KEEP WRITING! :) **

**I do not own anything except for the fictional part, title of chapter is a heart-breaking song by Sia (it always reminds me of how I think Brooke must feel in terms of Lucas etc.), which you just have to listen to. **

**Oh and nope, BROOKE IS NOT PREGNANT and will not be in this story, that's one thing I definitely know! The flashbacks were of Episode 1x18 and 1x19 and I included them to show that the first thing Lucas thinks about when Peyton tells him that she's pregnant, is Brooke and vice versa.**

**So, enjoy and review. :)**

**_Breathe Me_  
**

„Brooke, please calm down."

„I'm not going to calm down! You know as much as me that what we have is just not right. It's something I can't understand and I'm sick of not understanding what's going on!"

Lucas swallowed hard. He felt so guilty all of a sudden.

"I don't understand that after all these years it seems impossible for you to tell me about it. We're friends, aren't we? So why, Lucas? Why couldn't you tell me that Peyton's pregnant?"

She looked at him with an expression of deep disappointment in her eyes. Her anger had vanished and had been replaced by sadness.

Lucas sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"We are friends, Brooke. We really are. But when it comes to stuff like this I can't help but see an ex-girlfriend in you. I can't stop but feel guilty for having a baby with Peyton and for being married to Peyton. I feel weird telling you about it, despite the fact that our relationship ended in high school."

He laughed hollowly and when he looked up and met her gaze he saw tears glistening in her beautiful eyes.

"See, that's the problem" she said. Her voice was surprisingly firm.

"I could never stop thinking about you in that way…I thought **you** had. The fact that you now tell me you haven't makes it clear to me that we can't go on like this."

Lucas' mouth opened in mild surprise.

_Is she…Is this her problem? Is this why she acted so weird lately?_

"Brooke is that the reason why you got so upset at the wedding reception and everything…?" he asked hesitatingly.

"At least you got some of it, Broody."

He felt goose bumps all over his body upon hearing Brooke say her old nickname for him. Lucas was – as always – stunned by what an effect Brooke still had on him.

He stepped forward and was standing right in front of her.

Brooke swallowed hard and slowly looked up into his eyes. Those eyes she had looked into for all those years of her life, sometimes feeling like she understood what was going on behind them and sometimes feeling like she didn't know a darn thing.

Lucas' right hand found its way into Brooke's loosely pinned-up hair, untangling the hair tie from it and then gently stroking it. Her hair felt like pure silk in his hands.

Her heart was beating hard. She was afraid he might hear it or it might just burst out of her chest.

They looked each other in the eyes. They both felt a rush and rest and the same time, clear on one hand, and blurry on the other.

When he leaned down and placed his lips on hers, she stopped breathing. And when she felt his tongue seeking entrance, she let go and leaned into the kiss passionately.

He felt that she was holding her breath, so he breathed into her, being the air that she needed, and letting her breathe freely for the first time in ages.

She let hear hands wander on his body, sensing the anticipation in every muscle.

They got completely lost in a kiss that had been lingering between them for years now. And they both knew perfectly well what the kiss would lead to if they didn't-

"Stop!"

Her voice sounded gentle but definite.

He nodded.

"You're right" he said and took a deep breath.

They looked at each other for a few seconds before he finally stepped back and let go of her waist where his hand had rested.

"You should go" he whispered with a serious expression on his strained face.

Now it was her turn to nod and say "You're right."

She straightened her hair that he had messed up with such a passion and fierce that it made her blush to think about it. It was then that she realized the door to his house had been slightly open the entire time – when she had stormed in, she hadn't closed it and he had probably been too baffled to do so.

She stepped out onto the porch and quickly made her way to her car. When she sat down, she rested her head on the steering wheel and took a very, very deep breath, realizing that she hadn't breathed as freely as this in a very, very long time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four days later Lucas was on his way to his former high school to have lunch with Haley on her break. He hadn't seen his best friend for quite some time; he had been busy with Peyton, the baby and – Brooke. He couldn't stop thinking about their kiss. It was haunting him with every step that he took.

"Hales, hey!" he said when he approached her at the teacher's lounge.

"Hey Lucas" she said with a tensed voice.

Haley was looking pretty as usual: She was wearing a beautiful dark blue dress, strappy sandals and a beige cardigan. Her hair, which was shoulder length and of a deep brown, was fixed in a ponytail.

Lucas knew that something was wrong and he knew that he was about to have trouble: Haley had this certain look on her face which was usually reserved for Jamie when he had done something bad.

Haley waved good-bye to her colleagues, went over to Lucas and maneuvered him out of the room. As soon as they were out of the building and in a quieter corner, Haley turned around.

"Lucas Eugene Scott, are you completely out of your mind?"

Lucas was dumbfounded.

"W-What?!" he asked and held up his hands defensively. He was actually pretty scared of Haley when she was furious; nobody liked to get in the way of that.

Haley shook her head in disbelief.

"Are you trying to act like you don't know what I'm talking about?"

Her eyes were huge; she was staring at him without blinking.

"Hales, would you please tell me what you mean? Because yes, I really do not know what you're talking about."

Haley opened her mouth, looked at him for a moment and then punched him in the chest as hardly as she could. It didn't really hurt Lucas (she was physically pretty weak, after all and punched like a little girl), but nevertheless he yelled "Ouch, Haley, what is wrong?!"

"How dare you, Lucas? How dare you kiss Brooke when Peyton, your wife, is pregnant with your child?! Seriously Lucas? Are you THAT cheap?!"

Now Lucas was entirely confused.

"B-But how do you know…?"

"I saw you two!" she said sharply. "Making out with each other as if there's no tomorrow!"

Lucas couldn't say a word; he was too stunned.

"You could have at least had the decency to close the door before you're all over each other!"


	8. Leaving You Behind

**Author's Note: I can't believe it took me almost 5 months to update. I'm sorry, really really sorry that I've let you down! I just hope you'll understand that a lot had been going on in my life but I think I'm at a point where I have new ideas and a refreshed mind. ;) Well, as always, kudos to you for hanging on and reviewing my story, I'm truly blessed with you guys. Thank you! Your support and like for this story is the main reason for me to continue. I hope you'll like this chapter as much as the others and I also hope I'm not letting you down with it...please forgive me for making you wait for so long! :( **

**Well, finally, here is my chapter 8. Titel from a song by Hello Saferide (beautiful song, even though not really fitting in terms of content - but the title is just perfect so nevermind :P). As usual, I do now own anythin except the fictional part. Enjoy and review, please! :)**

**_Leaving You Behind_**

"Oh God." Lucas stared at Haley in disbelief.

"Yeah, oh God" Haley repeated and shook her head. "I can't believe you would do such a thing to Peyton, Luke. Haven't you learned anything from the past?"

Now it was Lucas' turn to shake his head. "No, Haley, it's not what you think it is."

Haley sneered. "Oh, it's not? Well, then tell me what it is, because it looked very much like you were kissing your ex-girlfriend!"

Lucas bowed his head. "Haley, nobody was supposed to know about that, it-"

"Of course not, so you can keep it your dirty little secret, right? Oh God, how I would like to strangle you with my bare hands right now!"

Haley looked at Lucas with such disbelief and shock that he immediately felt ashamed and like a little child. But Lucas was not a little child and he knew that he had to face this.

"Haley, would you please just not say something for a few minutes so I can explain?" He waited a moment to make sure Haley wouldn't interrupt again. She pouted but didn't say anything.

"Look, I know it sounds cheap to say it's not what it looked like, but it's the truth. We weren't all over each other, Hales, it was just one kiss. And believe me; it came out of nowhere, I-I…" He sighed and closed his eyes for a second. Suddenly he could feel tears in his eyes. He was so confused, everything seemed upside down.

"I don't know what's gotten into me" he finally said and met Haley's gaze. The anger had vanished from her face; instead, she looked worried.

"Lucas, what is wrong?" she asked in a soothing voice and put her hand on his shoulder.

Lucas swallowed hard and even though he was trying to prevent it, the first tear came streaming down his face.

"I don't know, Haley" he said. "I'm just so confused; I don't know what to think. Listen, Brooke came by that day and she was pretty upset that I hadn't told her about Peyton's pregnancy. We argued and suddenly she said something that knocked me off the track and next thing I know is I'm kissing her! But she pulled back and so did I!" He sounded defensively even though he didn't want to. He couldn't stop thinking about Brooke and about the kiss and about just everything he had done to her.

"Don't think I'm having an affair or anything, I would never do that to Peyton!"

Haley furrowed her brows. "That's hard to believe because you have done such a thing in the past. To Brooke. I thought that after what it did to Brooke, you would never even consider anything like it again."

Lucas laughed a short hollow laugh. "I know what it did to Brooke, alright?! God, why does everybody treat me like I've forgotten? I'm not stupid, I get it!"

Haley shook her head. "No, you haven't" she answered. "You think you know, but you have no idea, Lucas. And that's the problem. It's why everybody treats you like you've forgotten, because it seems like you didn't even realize it to begin with. We're not in high school anymore, you can't kiss your ex and get away with it, not when you're married and soon to be a father."

"I'm not trying to get away with anything!" Lucas couldn't stop his voice from sounding upset.

"Well, are you intending on telling Peyton about the kiss?"

Lucas eyes' widened. "No! Of course not!" Haley's mocking look made him add "It would only hurt her unnecessarily. It was just a kiss…"

"Was it, Lucas?" Haley asked. "You think Brooke feels the same?"

Lucas opened his mouth but didn't know what to say.

"Thought so" was all Haley said. She patted Lucas' arm. "You have to talk to Brooke, Luke. This is big. God, I can only imagine what Brooke's going through right now."

* * *

She was staring in the mirror without blinking. She had no idea how much time she had already spent there. Maybe a few minutes. Maybe a couple of hours. She didn't care. Brooke had showered, she had wrapped her thin body in a towel and like that, she had positioned herself in front of her large bathroom mirror. The water from her hair was dripping into little pools on the floor. Brooke was shivering. She didn't care. Her face had no certain expression. She felt drained. Since she ran out of Lucas' house two weeks ago she had been crying. Now she felt like there were no tears left to cry.

She was exhausted. She felt powerless. She felt empty. Almost empty. Because there was still this tiny place deep inside of her that was still capable of crying. Of feeling. Of hurting. The part that Lucas Scott had claimed for himself years ago and that he never took back, because as much as Brooke had wanted to, she couldn't let it go.

The sound of a voice leaving a message on her answering machine barely reached her.

"_Brooke, this is like, the twentieth message I'm leaving and I'm really starting to get nervous. Is everything alright? I drove by your place the other day but nobody seemed home, at least there were no lights on. God, Brooke, please, pick up if you're home. I'm worried about you! I need you…Lucas has been acting weird lately and… well, call me immediately when you get this! Please. Bye."_

Finally, Brooke stood up and went into the living room. She pressed a button on her answering machine.

_ALL MESSAGES ERASED._

Then she picked up her phone and dialed a number. She got an answering machine.

"Julian, this is Brooke. I've thought of what you said and I think you're right. I'm coming. Don't pick me up; I'll get to you myself. See you tonight."

She hung up, went to her room and began packing. Today was the beginning of a new life for Brooke Davis. Lucas Scott was not going to play any part in that life. She put some random clothes on, checked all her things and took the letters from her drawer. One addressed to Haley, Nathan and Jamie, one addressed to Peyton and one addressed to – Lucas.

Brooke got out of the house, into the car and she drove away. She stopped once on her way to the airport, at the post office. To make sure that Peyton wouldn't read the letter for Lucas she sent it to his publishing house. She knew that he would get it eventually. Then she went off to the airport, got on her plane and closed her eyes. She was not going to cry. Not anymore. She was leaving all the reasons to cry behind. She had to.


	9. Drive Away From My Car Crash Of A Heart

**Author's Note:**** Well, seems like the muse is kicking in again, baby! Another chapter less than 24hrs after the last one and I have to admit that I'm kind of proud of this chapter or at least satisfied. Not much action taking place but nevertheless emotional. No Brooke, actually, but I think it's good to get into Lucas' mind a little deeper now. You probably would've noticed anway, but there are two flashbacks written in _italics_. Don't get them mixed up with the letters, though. ;)**

**Title is taken from the lyrics to Butch Walker's breathtakingly beautiful song "Mixtape", which - as some of you might remember/know - is a song used during a cute little Brucas scene in season ", episode 21 I think (plus it might be a hint to what Luke's slowly starting to feel...for Brooke etc. ;) )  
**

**Before I let you finally read the chapter: THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR REVIEWING! You make me so happy with the few lines you address to me, thank you! Truly, from the bottom of my heart, it means the world to me to see that Brucas lovers like my story. Oh, before I forget it bjq: In this story, Peyton and Lucas got married in the first chapter. ;) The whole storyline with Sam is not a part of this fic, because I actually started it before Sam became a significant part of Brooke's storyline on the show.**

**As usual, I do not own anything except the fictional part. ENJOY & REVIEW, please. :)**

**_You Drive Away From My Car Crash Of A Heart_  
**

_To my favourite little family in the whole wide world aka Haley, Nathan and Jamie!_

_Please don't be upset that I just left but I had no other choice. I couldn't have handled all the good-byes and hugs and tears. I hope you can forgive me! I have decided to give Julian a real shot so I'm on my way to Los Angeles to live with him. I think it's the best I can do right now. I love you three very much and I want to thank you for everything you've done for me – you guys always gave me the feeling that I'm a part of your wonderful family and for that I will be forever thankful. Take very good care of yourselves._

_And to Jamie: Look, Buddy, I'm sorry I left. Please don't be mad at me! You can come visit Uncle Julian and me anytime you want to, you're always welcome. I love you, Buddy! _

_Aunt Brooke_

* * *

_Dear Peyton,_

_I know you're angry with me right now. REALLY angry. When you read this, I'm either on a plane or already in Los Angeles. Yes, I left. Julian called me several times and asked me to come. I rejected him too many times, Peyton. And I think now is the best time for me to finally let go and be with him. He loves me and he will take care of me, I know that. I need time but he's ok with that. For the first time in my life, I need to do something for myself. I need to be selfish for once. Well, at least I need to know that I did my best to get my very own happy ending. You don't know how sorry I am that I can't be there for you and the baby – guess I already own the title 'worst aunt ever'…but it's seriously now or never. And I choose now over never. Don't be upset that I didn't say good-bye in person but I was afraid I couldn't leave if I saw you and had to say good-bye to you. Take care of yourself and the little baby growing inside of you, alright? I love you, P. Sawyer._

_Love, B. Davis_

"Oh my God."

"What? Are you alright?" Lucas hurried to get next to Peyton, who was sitting in a chair in the kitchen.

Peyton looked at him with a blank expression on her worried face. Her forehead was full of wrinkles.

"Brooke left." She held up the piece of paper and Lucas immediately recognized Brooke's curvy handwriting. He read the letter and then looked at Peyton, mirroring her expression.

"She went to Julian" was all he managed to say.

Peyton nodded. "She just left, Luke" she said. "She didn't even say good-bye. She's gone. I-I can't believe it."

Slowly, she stood up, caressing her aching back. The baby bump was starting to show, though it was only slightly visible due to Peyton's rather skinny body type. She looked at Lucas and he saw that she was silently crying.

"Didn't you get a letter?"

Lucas shook his head.

Peyton frowned. "That's odd…she didn't even mention you in this one" she murmured and waved the letter in her hand.

"Yeah, well I guess she just forgot."

He put an arm around Peyton and embraced her. His other hand was hidden in the pocket of his jeans, clinging to a blue envelope with his name on it. Written in a very familiar curvy handwriting.

Suddenly the phone rang. Lucas picked up.

"Hello?"

"Luke, it's me." Haley. "Listen, did you by any chance get a letter from Brooke saying that she left?" Haley spoke very fast, she sounded almost hysterical.

"Yeah, in fact Peyton just read it" he responded.

"You know that she left because of what happened, don't you?"

Lucas sighed silently and looked over at Peyton, who wasn't paying much attention to him. It seemed like she was reading Brooke's letter over and over again, wiping tears from her face while doing so.

"Yeah, I guess I do" he finally managed to mumble.

"And did you get a letter, too?" Haley sounded very nervous and eager.

"Yes, Haley." He didn't say anything more because he was afraid Peyton might get suspicious.

Haley seemed to understand. "Oh right, Peyton's there. Let me guess, Brooke send the letter in a way so Peyton didn't know? Maybe to your publishing house or something? Yeah, that must be it." Haley talked more to herself than to Lucas.

"You're right" was all he could bring himself to say. He felt that his whole body was tensing up.

"Well, gimme Peyton" Haley demanded. "She has to be devastated."

Lucas didn't respond and handed Peyton the receiver.

"It's Haley" he whispered.

* * *

Lucas was sitting on the river court, cross-legged with Brooke's unopened letter in his hands and stared at the river ahead of him.

After Peyton and Haley talked on the phone Haley, Nathan and Jamie dropped by and they all discussed Brooke's departure. Lucas himself didn't contribute a lot to the conversation. Not because he didn't have anything to say; more because he had too much to say and didn't know how to phrase it. How pathetic for someone who makes his living by writing novels! But he couldn't say anything. He knew why Brooke hadn't talked to anyone the weeks before she left and he knew why she left in the first place: Because of him. Well, maybe not exactly because of him but more because of what had happened between them. He couldn't blame her. He understood why she left. What confused him, though, was the fact that she went right into Julian's arms or rather the fact that it bothered him so much. When Haley, Nathan and Jamie left in the evening, Peyton was so exhausted that she went right into bed. She had cried a lot and even though Lucas had tried his best to soothe her, he felt like he wasn't helping at all. He felt useless. And most of all, he felt terribly guilty because in some way, it was his fault that his wife would have to have their child without her best friend being present and he was to blame for making her cry.

Peyton soon fell asleep but Lucas was wide awake. Too much was going on in his mind for him to calm down and rest. He needed to get out of the house and since the river court had been his saving grace since he could walk, he had gotten out of bed and he had walked the way up here.

_He holds both of her hands._

"_This is my world, Brooke." He chuckles. "Or at least it used to be."_

_She grins._

"_I have been here before, you know."_

_He smiles._

"_I know" he responds and suddenly seems more serious. "I just never told you what this place is to me."_

_She looks at him with a little smile on her face and listens._

"_It's not just a court" he goes on saying. "It's where I came from, it's where I belong. It's my world."_

"_So do I get to be a part of this world?"_

"_The biggest part."_

The minute he read Brooke's letter to Peyton he knew she left because of him. She would've never written a separate letter to him addressed to his publishing house if she hadn't intended for that letter only to be read by Lucas. When his new editor Macy – she was the replacement for Lindsey – had handed him the letter he had been surprised. He did get his fair share of fan mail but never before had Macy given him one specific letter in person.

"Seems like this one's urgent" she had said.

Lucas sighed. He couldn't run away from this forever. He had to read her letter eventually. Now was the best time – he was alone, which he probably wouldn't be for some time. Of course there was always the possibility that Peyton would wake up and find him not to be at home. That wouldn't be too fatal; he could always say that he had needed some fresh air. He did that from time to time, go out at random times to just jog around, so Peyton would probably not really get suspicious.

Lucas nodded to himself, then opened the envelope and slowly unfolded the letter. Her handwriting brought tears to his eyes. Holding a letter from her in his hands made him feel like in high school all over again.

"_There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you."_

_She hands him the box. He looks at it, confused, and then looks back at her._

"_I wrote them all this summer. One a day, but I never sent them 'cause I was afraid."_

_She slowly starts crying._

"_Brooke…"_

"_I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. 'Cause you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable. And I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now after what I did, but I just thought that you should know. This is how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you…I was just too scared to admit it."_

He read the letter very slowly, letting every word sink in. When he was done, the first thing he felt was – disappointment. Yes, he was disappointed. He knew that he was not in any place to be disappointed or to demand anything from Brooke, but somehow he felt like she owed him more than that. He had expected more. What exactly he had expected, well, he didn't know. He just knew that this wasn't what he thought it would be.

He read her words again and again until the letters in front of him blurred and he could no longer read them. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall down. Lucas sobbed. He couldn't help it, it just happened.

Seems like he just lost the biggest part.

* * *

_Luke,_

_I don't need to tell you why I left. I'm sorry I didn't respond to you in any way when you tried to talk to me, but I just couldn't. We both know I need to get away from this…thing between us. It's not healthy. It's hurting too much. I can't take it anymore. I genuinely wish this would've gone differently. Don't try contacting me, please. _

_Take care._

_Brooke_


	10. All The Right Moves

**Author's Note:**** Here it is, the next chapter. I just want to thank each and every single one of you for your kind and amazing reviews, they mean the world to me, so thank you SO much! I'm glad you like this story and when I look back I would've never thought I'd write a tenth chapter for this. I still dont' know how many chapters will come, since I just write them down spontaneously as it comes and upload them immediately. I hope you'll like this chapter.**

**Title is taken from a song by OneRepublic, I do not own anything except the fictional part.**

**Enjoy and review, please. :)**

**_All The Right Moves_**

„Lucas, come on, we're gonna be late if you don't hurry up!"

Peyton sighed heavily and leaned herself against the doorframe of the kitchen, stroking her baby bump and looking out the window. It was autumn in Tree Hill. The leaves were painted in orange, red and yellow colours. It looked beautiful. Peyton always loved this time of the year. Usually she spent these days with Brooke, because Brooke loved it even more than Peyton. But now, Peyton had to live without her best friend and it hurt her every single day to think about it. She knew that Brooke was well; she knew that it probably was the right decision for her to leave. Still, it hurt her to not have the cheery brunette with her. Not having her here to see how the baby inside of her was developing and growing each day. Brooke had been gone for about a month and life in Tree Hill was going its way.

"I'm coming, I'm coming" Lucas called from the bedroom.

He grabbed his car keys from Peyton's nightstand and was about to turn around when something caught his eye. He looked back and found himself staring at the picture of Peyton, Brooke and himself. The one where they were leaning against Peyton's comet, aged sixteen. His gaze was fixed to the pretty brunette in the middle. He swallowed. Brooke had been gone for 28 days now. Lucas had missed her on every single one of these days, though he wouldn't tell anybody. Actually, he could rarely admit it to himself, because if he let the thought of missing Brooke sink into his mind, what would that mean? It was appropriate to miss an old friend that had moved to another city, but was it appropriate to miss her _that_ much and to count every day without her? Was it appropriate when this old friend was actually an ex girlfriend? Lucas knew the answers to these questions, yet he decided to not phrase them in his mind.

Finally, he shook his head and went to the kitchen, where Peyton was waiting for him. They had an appointment for an ultrasonic testing to check on the baby. They would also be told the sex of the baby. Now there was no doubt about Peyton's pregnancy, her bump was getting bigger every day. She was in her fourth month of pregnancy. Lucas loved the baby more and more each day and he couldn't wait to hold it in his arms. He gently patted Peyton's stomach and gave her a quick kiss on her lips.

"Let's go, baby" he said and leaded her into the car. He started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

* * *

_**28 DAYS EARLIER**_

"I'm glad you came."

Brooke smiled.

"Yeah. Me, too" she said.

He pulled her in for a hug and she welcomed his arms and let herself fall into them. She snuggled herself into his white cotton shirt as he gave her a light kiss on the forehead.

"This is going to work out, Brooke. I promise you, you won't regret it."

"I know I won't, Julian" she replied and smiled again. She felt safe. And it seemed like nothing else mattered. She had missed this kind of safety in her life and Julian gave it to her unconditionally.

She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. He was smiling broadly. He gently stroked a stray of her hair off her face and leaned down to lock her lips with his. It was a short but sweet and soft kiss. His lips felt cool against her hot ones. For a split second she thought that they were neither as full nor as tender as Lucas' lips, but then Brooke stopped herself from deepening these thoughts. Now it was time to let Lucas go and to let him rest in her past. Her future was Julian. And she genuinely looked forward to it.

"Let's go home" he said and Brooke nodded.

Home. How strange that she felt a kind of detachment from that word. Nowhere seemed to be home lately. Not even Tree Hill, though it was the closest to home. Still, the memories of Lucas hurt too much to make it also feel like home. But Brooke was eager to make things work with Julian, to build a new home with him. She was eager to create something that was worth being called home. She knew that she was still far from loving Julian the way he deserved to be loved, but she also knew that she was able to work on herself. Brooke was confident that she was on her best way to give Julian what he needed. It might take some time, but Julian had granted her that time. He was able to wait. He had been the one to actually fight for her. Brooke never really knew what it felt like before since Lucas never fought for Brooke. He just let her go. He accepted it all. Julian didn't. He left, true, but only to call and leave messages every two or three days, to let Brooke know that he cared and that he still wanted them to be together. Brooke found the feeling of someone caring for her as deeply as Julian did comforting and reassuring. It made her feel like she was someone worth being loved, because after her break up with Lucas she felt like she wasn't good enough for anyone. Now she was slowly starting to feel different.

Julian took hold of her hand and led her to his car.

* * *

"Well, do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

Peyton looked and Lucas who smiled at her. They both nodded in unison.

The doctor laughed. "Seems like you can't wait to find out" he said. "Well, I won't tantalize you. It's going to be a girl."

Peyton smiled happily. She had secretly wished for a girl and now she couldn't believe that her wish had been granted. She squeezed Lucas' hand, who seemed kind of distant.

_A girl_. Lucas Scott was going to have a little baby girl. Knowing the sex made it all the more real – sure, Lucas had realized that he would be a father, but for the first time it felt _real. _

"Wow" was all he could bring himself to say. He didn't even notice Peyton's squeeze. He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and stroked her cheek.

"We're gonna have a little baby girl, Lucas" Peyton whispered into his ear when he had leaned down to give her the kiss.

He nodded. "Yes, Peyton…we are." He wished he was thinking only of his wife and their soon-to-be-born daughter. Instead, he was wondering what Brooke would say when Peyton would tell her that she would have a daughter.

* * *

"Oh wow, Peyt, I can't believe it!" Brooke said anxiously. Peyton had just called and told her that she would have a daughter.

"I know, I can't believe it either, Brooke!" Peyton replied. "Look, you know you will at least have to come to the birth, right? I-I won't be able to do this without you."

Peyton's voice sounded almost panicky, but most of all it sounded sad. It broke Brooke's heart to hear her best friend say these things, but she couldn't change it. She had left Tree Hill not only for her own sake, but also for Peyton's sake. Lucas obviously hadn't told her about the kiss and even though it gnawed on her conscience, she knew it would do nothing good if Peyton knew.

"I will do my best" she finally mumbled. "I really will."

"Good. That's all I want" Peyton said. "Oh, look, I gotta go, Lucas will be home any minute and I wanted to cook dinner for him." She giggled girlishly. "I'm becoming a housewife, can you believe it?"

Brooke laughed huskily. "Actually, I can. Take care, Peyton, I'll call you soon." She hung up and stared at the receiver for a couple of minutes.

Lucas Scott was going to be the father of a little baby girl. A surely very beautiful and sweet little girl. She would be blonde, no doubt about that. She might have her daddy's piercing blue eyes and her mommy's golden curls. She would look lovely. Brooke started crying, sobbing, her shoulders moving up and down from the spasms the tears gave her. She couldn't help but feel angry that she wasn't imagining a pretty little boy with piercing blue eyes and chocolaty brown hair, because that boy would never be born.

It had been five months, three weeks and two days since the lost love of her life and her best friend had gotten married. For five months, three weeks and two days Brooke felt like her world had turned grey. And sadly, being with Julian hadn't changed that fact.

* * *

It had been one month, two weeks and six days since Brooke had left Tree Hill. For one month, two weeks and six days the only image occupying Lucas' mind was that of a dimpled beautiful brunette.


End file.
